in search of self...

now that i'm experiencing a real working life...there's a lot that i've come to know about. like how bad i am, actually, in this design world or how much i lack with those knowledge or how much more i need to learn or mayb on how much i am finding my trueself...complicated stuffs...
at times, when hope and discipline fails, i conclude to myself that i'm not worth designing. that i don't have much passion. that i couldn't see myself getting far in this line. i'm just going to lead a normal life. no achievements..ntg...
but when all seems happy n promising and when i did my best and when i get to learn new things about this line...i keep myself going... and i'll think positive thoughts... i'll be thinking that something had to be done and i can't keep feeling inferior among the others. that i'm still a learner.
though it's sad to know that i can't be like this person that i know...who is truly amazing to me... who can do cool stuffs even with a beginner's skill. that's the result of his passion. and that's my bro. my sis has something on her own too...she's the much soughted girl in her working place coz she organizes good...they fight to keep her working with them. for me that's something. coz it shows she knows what she's doing too. she's independent. it's liek i'm the black sheep of the family. too laid- back. too much entertainment. still unmatured.
anyhow, a deep-thought conversation with my boss, he thinks colleges or places where they r teaching design are just a waste of money. when i said things about diploma and stuff, he defended with saying experience and knowledge through design companies will lead one further than wut the college is teaching. he certainly got his point right. but if for people like me, where would i be without the things that i learned at college. but he said, companies like i'm working rght now, they can teach me wut the college thought for one year in 6 months. :D he's probably rght... everyday i walk my way to office and i find new things all the time...:P
*pai-seh**...