How and where will I be when I’m 25???

It’s been a while since I’ve been searching for myself. Now, I hopefully + with a 60 % of full confidence think that I know what I am doing.

Remember I once told about my search-for-a-training place??? And on how much I wanted to go to this certain company but never got the chance and Te Draftech my current based training place) was a like a last stop??? Flashbacks to that and now I am really grateful to have that path shown before me. I, definitely, begin to understand myself since I worked here. Or so I think, for now…

Coming to the exact point,

My diploma course = I still have ¡ almost half a year to finish my course
And I have one final project where I’m going to design a
ChillOut Bar; if my proposal is approved by “the authorities of
MIA’s ID course” where they’ll most likely will…

At my training company = Big BOSS offered me a permanent job at the company
itself . Once again he marked his words about diploma
“ the cert” and how much is it’s worth and that college are
money suckers.He stressed that it’s a given opportunity and
I should consider the offer to my very best.

What that I liked about his approach is that he’s willing to
train and teach me. Despite what else he’s thinking in his
mind, at least he can accept me even though I’m lousy.

What I am thinking = when boss offered_ I was thrilled and happy and was being
practical by defending college and my boss gave me time to
think while doing my work_ what my boss said seems practical and
I started seeing myself as a working person. I wanted to stop
college. Forgetting diploma. If things turn out worse, I
even planned to continue from where I stopped back at MIA again

Other people ( friends, brother,
sis, the seniors) = all of them stressed that it’s better to have a diploma in hand
as they are sure I won’t stick at the company forever. And I feel the same way, too…

So I concluded = Yup, I’ll get my diploma first!!! Let things work out later on.


_____all this happened on 16 MARCH 2006

_____ and now, I’m searching for “what do I really want”

That’s no joke. I really appreciate the college arranging the training program in our course. It’s like an eye- opener. It makes me realize so much. It let’s me wonder…. What am I doing in this field??? Is this really what I want??? Can I survive??? Or will I ever be able to cope, to be able to think by myself???

You see, I was required to help my seniors to complete drawings. And I think I messed it up. That’s because I’m blur. I’m still immature. I’m still dependent.
What the college thought is so different than what I am learning at the training place. I don’t feel like attending college (p/s: don’t worry. That’s just for now…) and I’ve missed it twice in a row, already. I’m dead fed-up of everything!!! College and working place and myself…

When I see how much in demand my sis and my bro-in-law are at their working place, I reflect back this situation on myself and I see failure. Well, maybe you are saying I’m still young and there’s still plenty of space and I’ll reflect back to my brother. He’s young…but he’s much soughted as well. So what’s wrong with me???

So now, I’m back to zero…I dunno what I am doing or what do I really know….

Aaarghhh…pressure..pressure….. I think I can’t handle pressure!!!

P/s: the title reflects everything I’m thinking…. Where will I REALLY be when I’m 25???
There’s only 5 years to go…. I just wish I would be a better person by then….

final project proposal_case study luna bar_cool place coz of it;s location on top of regency hotel's roof ***ROOF**
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in search of self...

now that i'm experiencing a real working life...there's a lot that i've come to know about. like how bad i am, actually, in this design world or how much i lack with those knowledge or how much more i need to learn or mayb on how much i am finding my trueself...complicated stuffs...
at times, when hope and discipline fails, i conclude to myself that i'm not worth designing. that i don't have much passion. that i couldn't see myself getting far in this line. i'm just going to lead a normal life. no achievements..ntg...
but when all seems happy n promising and when i did my best and when i get to learn new things about this line...i keep myself going... and i'll think positive thoughts... i'll be thinking that something had to be done and i can't keep feeling inferior among the others. that i'm still a learner.
though it's sad to know that i can't be like this person that i know...who is truly amazing to me... who can do cool stuffs even with a beginner's skill. that's the result of his passion. and that's my bro. my sis has something on her own too...she's the much soughted girl in her working place coz she organizes good...they fight to keep her working with them. for me that's something. coz it shows she knows what she's doing too. she's independent. it's liek i'm the black sheep of the family. too laid- back. too much entertainment. still unmatured.
anyhow, a deep-thought conversation with my boss, he thinks colleges or places where they r teaching design are just a waste of money. when i said things about diploma and stuff, he defended with saying experience and knowledge through design companies will lead one further than wut the college is teaching. he certainly got his point right. but if for people like me, where would i be without the things that i learned at college. but he said, companies like i'm working rght now, they can teach me wut the college thought for one year in 6 months. :D he's probably rght... everyday i walk my way to office and i find new things all the time...:P
*pai-seh**...